Improvement

If you have nothing else to do, look at yourself and see if there isn't something close at hand that you can improve. It may make you wealthy, although it is more likely it will make you happy.  - George M. Adams -

Let's first look at the part about "nothing else to do".  I can't think of a single woman I know to which this might apply.  Most of us have our jobs, our children and our husbands to look after.  And, shhhhhh, don't tell the hubbies, but often they're the "child" that needs the most looking after.

But let's just say, for the sake of the prompt, that I found myself with nothing else to do one day.  Let's say all my menfolk are sleeping, the house is clean, my book isn't calling me to write, I have run out of blog ideas, etc., etc.

What a magical thought.

So what would I do with myself?  What could I improve?

Maybe I could get a better handle on my emotions?  I do wear them so far out on my sleeve they're like one of those old pirate shirts with the loose and flowing cuffs that hang down from the wrists.  Maybe that's a bad thing. I'm sure sometimes it is as my angry reactions to things get me in trouble or at least did before I learned to go outside and have a smoke and let the feeling pass.  But if I get rid of the emotional intensity it would affect the good emotions as well as the bad and I'm not willing to mess with that.

Maybe I could learn to let my children go and grow?  They are seventeen and fifteen right now, after all.  Maybe it's time to let them grow up and be men.  In my mind, I know this means letting them fall on their faces now and again and learn from their own mistakes.  But my Mommy's heart cries out that I must protect them and look after them - even now.  I know it probably isn't very good for their development but that's what they have a Daddy for.  I have to go with my Mommy's heart in this.

Maybe I should learn to share only the good parts of my life with my girlfriends?  Poor things -- they didn't ask to be tied to this emotional roller coaster that is my life.  But then again, they don't back away either.  I've got really excellent girlfriends who are always there for me, good or bad times.  I count myself extremely lucky to have them and for them to  be willing to put up with all this stuff because without them I think I would explode.

So what would I change?  I'm sure there's something but I just can't think of it right now.  Sure, being wealthy would be nice but I don't see that happening.  And I don't see how I could be more generally happy than I am right now.  Am I happy all the time?  Of course not.  Am I satisfied?  Absolutely!

Copyright © 2011 Denise Duggan